Worst of the Year Awards

After yesterday's Worst of the Year List, I thought I could continue my negativity for one more day. Thus, here are my worst of the year awards (on Sunday we'll get to the positive stuff. I promise.)

MOST OVERRATED FILM: INTO THE WILD
I realize that I'll get plenty of "what the hell are you talking about?!?!?!?!?!?" comments for saying this, but this would be #11 on my worst of the year list. The movie could have easily been cut by 45 minutes, and I really don't think that Emile Hirsch's performance was all that great. The Academy was absolutely right in shutting this out in everywhere but Supporting Actor. But the main problem I had with the movie was that the character of Christopher McCandless was a spoiled, incredibly self-absorbed young man. And yet, we're supposed to think he's Superman. While he did, of course, have some positive traits, I felt like the film was totally neglecting the fact that he had serous emotional and psychological problems due to his harsh upbringing. The movie didn't have the courage to have a three-dimensional protagonist; just a totally flawed guy that the filmmakers assumed (correctly, apparently) would be adored by everyone. While I realize that in the end he learns that "happiness only real when shared", I never felt like learned anything from his experiences. While in actuality I'm sure that he did, I don't believe the movie did a good job in showing that.

MOST OVERRATED PERFORMANCE: CATE BLANCHETT - I'M NOT THERE

I'm sure that this will cause just as much outrage as selecting Into the Wild as Most Overrated Film, however, my feelings about her are not as strong as mine about Into the Wild. I cannot, for the life of me, decipher what was so special about this performance. Sure, I applaud Ms. Blanchett for taking such a big risk. I just think that everyone is rewarding her for taking on such a leap; not necessarily because she gave a great performance. For every one of her scenes, I felt like I was watching some actress doing a student film where she pretends to be Bob Dylan. I did not, for one second, forget that it was a woman underneath the wig, makeup and cigarette. But, then again, what can you expect from a film as incomprehensively self-indulgent as "I'm Not There."

WORST SCREENPLAY: EPIC MOVIE
Kickin' it Old Skool, Norbit, Things We Lost in the Fire and Spider-Man 3 came very close here, but at the end of the day, screenplays don't get much worse than Epic Movie. As with most comedies--especially parodies--a good screenplay is essential for its success. Epic Movie, however, seemed like an 85 minute movie that took 15 minutes to write. Just make remarks on every movie you can think of that an unintelligent teenager will be familiar with, and you're done. They never bothered to actually make insights on the films they were spoofing or even an homage to them. Just get through the references as fast as possible. I don't know why I paid $8 to see this piece of trash when I could have just said "The Chronicles of Narnia, Superman Returns, The Pirates of the Caribbean, Borat..." to myself and gotten the same experience.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: JESSICA BIEL - I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY
I came VERY close to giving this award to Penelope Ann Miller for her laughable performance in The Messengers, but the scene where Adam Sandler feels up her "real" breasts was enough to give it to Biel. But seriously, why is this woman working? I honestly think that the only reason she's on the A-list is because she's being confused with Jessica Alba.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR: CUBA GOODING, JR. - NORBIT
John Travolta in Hairspray, who seemed to think that a brilliant script wasn't worth actually trying for, was a close second, but Cuba has got to be the biggest sell-out in Hollywood. In 1997, his Oscar winning turn in "As Good as it Gets", and his delightful work in the previous year's "Jerry Maguire", made him a national treasure (and deservedly so). Fast forward ten years and he's starring in a movie a 90-minute fat joke and a sorry excuse for a family comedy. Seriously, what happened? He's a great actor. Hopefully he'll stop giving sleepwalk performances like he did here, but, sadly, I doubt that will happen.

WORST ACTRESS: EVA MENDES - GHOST RIDER
Okay, so I don't understand why Jessica Biel is a star, but Mendes...wow. She's essentially botox on wheels, and one HELL of a bad actress. Oh, who can forget her delivery of such provocative lines as "You don't know me, but I love him" or "The way I see it, here are my options. You truly believe this story, in which case I should take you to a shrink. Or, you'd rather invent ridiculous stories rather than tell me the truth. " The fact that she, out of so many thousands of other more talented actresses who are struggling to pay the rent, is famous, infuriates me.

WORST ACTOR: TOBEY MAGUIRE - SPIDER-MAN 3
In the summer of three-quels, this would *have* to be the worst. And a lot of that is because of Maguire. First off, he has no idea what kind of actor he is. He's the nerd. He's not super suave (just look at him). He could have played up his talents when he became emo, black-costume Spidey, but instead he just decided to slouch and complain for his 45 minutes of evil. God, talk about not taking advantage of an opportunity!

WORST PICTURE: KICKIN' IT OLD SKOOL
I'd basically be repeating what I said in the Top 10 post...read that. I'd rather not live through this nightmare again.
Well, it was nice to get that off my chest. And now, I am totally ready to start revealing my favorites of 07, rather than the opposite.

But what were your picks for the worst of the year? Discuss on the forum.

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2007

As my 2007 Year in Review begins (a little late, I know...blame the theaters in my town. A lot of contenders didn't open until last week) with my Worst of the Year Awards. Now, before I post this, I need to say that, in my opinion, 2007 was an exceptional year for movies. I haven't seen so many worthy Oscar contenders since...I don't even know when.

However...

I also saw quite a bit of crap. Why did I see it? Let's just say that I have a weakness for spoofs and bad horror movies. I always see the latest PG-13 satire that took two months to make, hate it, and then see the sequel next year. Don't ask why.

Let's begin with the top 10 worst movies of 2007:

10. Evan Almighty
The hilarious and talented Steve Carrel and my favorite actor, Morgan Freeman, star alongside humorless comedienne Wanda Sykes and default-movie-mom Lauren Graham in this painfully unfunny sequel (kinda) to the adequately amusing 2003 Jim Carrey comedy "Bruce Almighty." This, for some reason, is a family comedy full of plenty of jokes that will amuse a 9-year-old boy, but no one else (hopefully).

9. Things We Lost in the Fire
Though this film did have a nice performance by Halle Berry and a solid first half, the second half seemed like a satire of tearjerking dramas. The movie is completely devoid of any kind of logic (the main character wants her late husband's unemployed, drug-addicted best friend--who she flat out hates--to move in?) and the direction by Susanne Bier, who seems to think that a well-made movie means cutting to an extreme close-up of someone's eye every other shot, is nothing short of appalling. I don't want to spoil the movie in case, for whatever reason, you are interested in seeing this piece of garbage, but when you find out the completely out-of-nowhere reasoning behind the title, you'll understand why I put this film on the list.

8. Spider-Man 3
I absolutely love the first "Spider-Man", and the second was just fine, but this was absolutely pitiful. 15 minutes into the movie, I was disappointed to find that Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire were so clearly sick of this story. Later on, I wasn't as disappointed as I was bored and perplexed at why Sam Raimi felt it necessary to extend a 5-minute montage of Peter Parker acting like a dick into 45 minutes. Though there were some pretty entertaining action sequences, I found myself struggling to stay awake for most of the movie. How sad it is to see this franchise die.

7. Norbit
The worst reviewed movie of the year is, beyond a doubt, Eddie Murphy's laugh-free comedy "Norbit." Murphy, as you know, plays three parts, each one free from any originality or even entertainment value. The movie is basically a supplement for 12-year-olds who are in search of some more "yo mama is so fat..." jokes, but, if you ask me, it was just a bit more. It was also an opportunity for Eddie Murphy to show that he didn't learn anything after his Oscar-nominated, frontrunner performance in "Dreamgirls." It also showed that the worst reviews imaginable and a recycling bin for jokes we've seen a thousand times can still bring in major box office numbers. When will Eddie Murphy learn? Or, better yet, when will America learn?

6. The Messengers
This film was a turkey with both box office and critics and, I must say, that is refreshing. Though I will give this film credit for being a horror movie that WASN'T a remake of a Japanese one, it might as well have been. The plot is so familiar (family moves into a house in a creepy area) that you could argue that it is a remake of 90% of horror movies. Add cringe-inducing performances, a twist so bad it hurts and subtract any scares and you've got one of the worst movies of the year.

5. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Just as "Norbit" is a safe haven for fat jokes, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is a safe haven for gay jokes. Only here's the thing: it turns out that they were teaching us to love gay people! How splendid for us. Thing is, the goal was to make us laugh with some third-rate gay jokes, but then, it turns out that we weren't laughing because we're close-minded, homophobic slobs. It's because we were learning to respect everyone, no matter who they love. It felt like the School for the Blind and Deaf making Helen Keller jokes. Only not as funny.

4. Evening
So disappointing, considering that it had the best cast since "Bobby." However, this film gathered a significant portion of the most respected females working today and forgot to have a good script. Or, even more so, a good director. Oh my god! This film, at a length of 117 minutes, went on...and on...and on. And anyone who can manage to suck the acting talent out of Claire Danes, Toni Collette, Vanessa Redgrave and Glenn Close can't be very good. I will say, though, that Mamie Gummer gave a very nice performance, by somehow making lines that belong in a melodrama sound down-to-earth and emotional.

3. Ghost Rider
If Spider-Man 3 was a bad superhero movie, then I would hope you didn't see Ghost Rider. I'm just surprised that the film was made; let alone the fact that it was a hit. They had an actor with barely any range playing a mediocre superhero; a part he would have been to old for 15 years ago; and paired him up with the worst leading lady in Hollywood and a lazy special effects team. But you do have to appreciate the subtlety of this film: for example, instead of just showing the devil, you see a MAN who looks normal, but has the SHADOW of the devil. How brilliant of them.

2. Epic Movie
I have to say that this is the film I'm most embarrassed to say I admitted to seeing. The thing about this movie that bugged me the most about this movie is that it portrays a completely incorrect definition of parody. NOTE TO JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER (apparently, after Meet the Spartans, they really do need this): A parody is when a film, play, television show or any other medium takes some elements from a previous existing source and exaggerates it to the point where it is humorous. It is not simply referencing another publication. It is really no wonder that it took less than two months to write, shoot and edit this poor exercise in "comedy."
1. Kickin' it Old Skool
Remember this movie? No? Oh, how I envy you. You may be wondering how a comedy can possibly get worse than "Epic Movie." Well, try imagining the worst SNL skit you've ever seen expanded to 108 minutes and add Jamie Kennedy (that's right...a Jamie Kennedy movie was 108 minutes). Now take out anything you found funny, original or otherwise entertaining about that skit. That is the simple formula to the worst movie of the year.

Worst of the Year Awards will be posted tomorrow, and the nominees for the 2nd Annual Oscar Obsession Honors will be released Sunday.